An updated ``Dear Diary'' post (Yes, I was having a little fun and saved the serious stuff for the column):
Dear Diary,
I'm not supposed to be writing this down, but it's just too good to go undocumented. Get it?
Undocumented? I crack myself up.
I got a super, duper, double secret call from President Barack Obama last week. He told me he'd publicly ignore the uproar over his speech. But he was quietly recruiting people like me and hundreds of thousands
of nameless, faceless us's to infiltrate schools, especially those that refused to show his speech, the ones where a significant number of parents threatened to boycott, as well as the ones where parents had the
audacity to even think of doing such a thing.
The ingrates!
Obama told me to be subtle, to begin the indoctrination without the adults noticing. He said the elder President Bush was foolish in 1991 when he publicly and boldly tried to indoctrinate the children. A
Democratically controlled U.S. Congress held hearings about his appearance.
What an amateur.
This White House knows who has been making trouble. Obama has a long list. The surveillance
apparatus the Cheney administration left behind came in handy. I just learned the U.S. has employed an
army of minimum-wage mind readers since March of 2003.
Obama told me I'd be getting a call from Ocean Bay Elementary School in the Carolina Forest area. I was ``invited'' Tuesday to give students, wink, wink, a glimpse of how what they are doing now would relate to their adult lives. Obama had a more sinister message he wanted them to hear, and I planned to deliver it out of the view of Bill O'Reilly.
But I was foiled by those dastardly public school teachers, government employees who never left me alone with those ready-to-be-indoctrinated fifth-graders. They must not have gotten the call from the president.
I had to settle on speaking about the power of writing and how it would improve if they take all their other classes, science, math, geography, music, seriously.
I'm so ashamed. I failed the Messiah. I'll just tell him mission accomplished any way. Sure hope those government mind readers aren't competent.
Government workers competent? Huh. What was I thinking. If they were, agents would be here by now and wouldn't let me say goodbye to the fam before handing me over for enhanced interrogations.
Well, signing off for the day.
See you tomorrow, diary.
Wait ... is ... is that a knock at the front door?
